My girl best friend;

The friendship we have is so rare to find,
We hate to see each other in a bind.
We have made each other laugh so hard we've cried,
We feel each other's pain if we are hurt inside.
We always can find the right words to say,
To help us get through any dreadful day.
We have told our darkest secrets, with feeling no shame,
We will tell each other the truth even if we are to blame.
Thinking of you not being here makes me feel so sad,
We will have to look back on our crazy memories to make us glad.
The Miles between us can't keep us apart,
Because we will keep each other close at heart.

For you sammantha <3

Confusing days;

I've been sitting here,
Pondering the mystery,
Thus i've been getting drunk,
Without the alcohol.
I've been getting intoxicated,
Off my own sweet emotion,
People say,
This clearly isn't possible,
But yet,
I've proved it plausable,
These aren't happy times,
Their more like,
Confusing days,
I have no current knowledge of time,
Nor date,
Can you take this imaginary bottle,
From my hands,
Just take it,
If you can control my emotion,
Please explain them to me,
I wish for someone wise,
Not smart,
Just meerly a wise person,
To explain this emotion that i go through,
This emotion that tears me about,
Hence almost every day,
I break down,
As i don't understand,
My own true emotions,
I don't know the feelings of happiness anymore,
I've lived through to much sorrow,
Pain and effort,
So i sit here,
Alone in these confusing days,
Confusing days at that,
Getting drunk off my own emotion,
My own sweet emotion.

Am i just a toy;

Was i a toy to you?
Something you could use?
Something you could play with,
Play with me like i have no control?
I guess i was,
You say you didn't hate me,
You never answer,
Answer, What are answers to you?
I want answers, you ask which,
Invalid replys every time,
I guess i was meerly a chess piece to you.
Obviously you were the queen,
As i was a pawn.
A pawn in your game,
Where i'm the toy.
And your the controller,
Something you could do which what you want.
Did you think i was a brick wall?
Have no emotions,
Did you forget that i'm also homosapian?
You must have forgot,
As you used me like a pawn,
In your massive game of chess.
You forgot that i had a heart,
Now i'm here,
All alone,
Without you,
I liked it when you used me,
I had the satisfaction of thinking you cared,
Thinking that i wasn't just a toy,
You used me for an excuse,
What am i suppose to say to that?
I have nothing to say.
I love you,
I always will,
But you've torn me apart,
You've taken a part of every breath that i now breath.
Oxygen is shortened for me,
Now that you've destroyed me,
Litterally shattered me.
Shattered my life.
You said i was the one.
Was it real,
Was anything real?
Did you think i was meerly a toy?
A toy in you're game.
What are the rules?
There are no rules,
There's nothing left for me,
What is the point,
The point of me trying to suceed,
To get anywhere,
When you left,
You stole my morales,
And every belief that i had,
Every single fucking one of them,
If i could ask for them i would,
But there is no way you can hand them back,
Like a piece of paper,
No, it's not as simple.
My morales are gone,
You took them with you.
Now i'm worthless,
Just waiting to be another toy,
A toy in someone elses chess game.
In someone elses fucked up chess game.
The game of life.

Speaking outloud;

I speak up,
I speak out,
I reach out,
I reach out to tell you,
Tell you how i feel,
But everytime i do,
I do speak up,
It seems you kick me down,
Turn it around on me,
Everytime i speak up,
I feel bad,
In the end,
Because you'll get upset,
I can't bear the site,
Of you been upset,
Knowing it's because of me,
Even if it's your fault,
I can't bear it.
So i shouldn't speak up,
Or speak out,
I'll stop reaching out,
I'll keep my feelings,
Inside my head,
I'll stop speaking outloud.
Just so that,
I can see you happy,
Happy with me,
Happy with the fact,
That i give you everything i can,
Even if i don't tell you,
Tell you simply,
How i feel.

Forgive me dear;

You tell me not to feel so sad,
But then I go and cry.
You tell me, “keep your chin up”
But I feel like I could die.

The worst day of my life
Was when I made that choice.
I need to feel you hold me,
I need to hear your voice.

Can you hear me softly calling?
Can you taste my sour tears?
Do you know how much I love you?
Do you know my biggest fears?

I’m afraid you still don’t love me,
I’m afraid you won’t return.
I’m afraid to show my feelings,
I have this inner burn...

The inferno of my sadness,
They are the fires of death.
They burn here deep within me,
And pierce my every breath.

I wish you would stay with me,
Please, don’t go away.
I need to know you love me,
And I need for you to stay.

I’ll love you for eternity,
I’ll love you for all time.
Just stay forever in my arms,
Again... just, please, be mine.

Now I know you’re gone for good,
And never coming back.
Now I see I’ve been replaced,
You haven’t lost your knack.

You always could move on so fast,
It crippled me to see.
You could always turn around,
And walk away from me.

You turned back only once to say,
“I will be back, don’t cry.”
You took away my heart and soul,
And now... I fear I’ll die.

You need to come back to me, dear.
I need to hear you say,
“I told you I’d be back sometime,
I’ve loved you till today.”