My girl best friend;

The friendship we have is so rare to find,
We hate to see each other in a bind.
We have made each other laugh so hard we've cried,
We feel each other's pain if we are hurt inside.
We always can find the right words to say,
To help us get through any dreadful day.
We have told our darkest secrets, with feeling no shame,
We will tell each other the truth even if we are to blame.
Thinking of you not being here makes me feel so sad,
We will have to look back on our crazy memories to make us glad.
The Miles between us can't keep us apart,
Because we will keep each other close at heart.

For you sammantha <3

Confusing days;

I've been sitting here,
Pondering the mystery,
Thus i've been getting drunk,
Without the alcohol.
I've been getting intoxicated,
Off my own sweet emotion,
People say,
This clearly isn't possible,
But yet,
I've proved it plausable,
These aren't happy times,
Their more like,
Confusing days,
I have no current knowledge of time,
Nor date,
Can you take this imaginary bottle,
From my hands,
Just take it,
If you can control my emotion,
Please explain them to me,
I wish for someone wise,
Not smart,
Just meerly a wise person,
To explain this emotion that i go through,
This emotion that tears me about,
Hence almost every day,
I break down,
As i don't understand,
My own true emotions,
I don't know the feelings of happiness anymore,
I've lived through to much sorrow,
Pain and effort,
So i sit here,
Alone in these confusing days,
Confusing days at that,
Getting drunk off my own emotion,
My own sweet emotion.

Am i just a toy;

Was i a toy to you?
Something you could use?
Something you could play with,
Play with me like i have no control?
I guess i was,
You say you didn't hate me,
You never answer,
Answer, What are answers to you?
I want answers, you ask which,
Invalid replys every time,
I guess i was meerly a chess piece to you.
Obviously you were the queen,
As i was a pawn.
A pawn in your game,
Where i'm the toy.
And your the controller,
Something you could do which what you want.
Did you think i was a brick wall?
Have no emotions,
Did you forget that i'm also homosapian?
You must have forgot,
As you used me like a pawn,
In your massive game of chess.
You forgot that i had a heart,
Now i'm here,
All alone,
Without you,
I liked it when you used me,
I had the satisfaction of thinking you cared,
Thinking that i wasn't just a toy,
You used me for an excuse,
What am i suppose to say to that?
I have nothing to say.
I love you,
I always will,
But you've torn me apart,
You've taken a part of every breath that i now breath.
Oxygen is shortened for me,
Now that you've destroyed me,
Litterally shattered me.
Shattered my life.
You said i was the one.
Was it real,
Was anything real?
Did you think i was meerly a toy?
A toy in you're game.
What are the rules?
There are no rules,
There's nothing left for me,
What is the point,
The point of me trying to suceed,
To get anywhere,
When you left,
You stole my morales,
And every belief that i had,
Every single fucking one of them,
If i could ask for them i would,
But there is no way you can hand them back,
Like a piece of paper,
No, it's not as simple.
My morales are gone,
You took them with you.
Now i'm worthless,
Just waiting to be another toy,
A toy in someone elses chess game.
In someone elses fucked up chess game.
The game of life.

Speaking outloud;

I speak up,
I speak out,
I reach out,
I reach out to tell you,
Tell you how i feel,
But everytime i do,
I do speak up,
It seems you kick me down,
Turn it around on me,
Everytime i speak up,
I feel bad,
In the end,
Because you'll get upset,
I can't bear the site,
Of you been upset,
Knowing it's because of me,
Even if it's your fault,
I can't bear it.
So i shouldn't speak up,
Or speak out,
I'll stop reaching out,
I'll keep my feelings,
Inside my head,
I'll stop speaking outloud.
Just so that,
I can see you happy,
Happy with me,
Happy with the fact,
That i give you everything i can,
Even if i don't tell you,
Tell you simply,
How i feel.

Forgive me dear;

You tell me not to feel so sad,
But then I go and cry.
You tell me, “keep your chin up”
But I feel like I could die.

The worst day of my life
Was when I made that choice.
I need to feel you hold me,
I need to hear your voice.

Can you hear me softly calling?
Can you taste my sour tears?
Do you know how much I love you?
Do you know my biggest fears?

I’m afraid you still don’t love me,
I’m afraid you won’t return.
I’m afraid to show my feelings,
I have this inner burn...

The inferno of my sadness,
They are the fires of death.
They burn here deep within me,
And pierce my every breath.

I wish you would stay with me,
Please, don’t go away.
I need to know you love me,
And I need for you to stay.

I’ll love you for eternity,
I’ll love you for all time.
Just stay forever in my arms,
Again... just, please, be mine.

Now I know you’re gone for good,
And never coming back.
Now I see I’ve been replaced,
You haven’t lost your knack.

You always could move on so fast,
It crippled me to see.
You could always turn around,
And walk away from me.

You turned back only once to say,
“I will be back, don’t cry.”
You took away my heart and soul,
And now... I fear I’ll die.

You need to come back to me, dear.
I need to hear you say,
“I told you I’d be back sometime,
I’ve loved you till today.”

Caring;

I really should stop?

Stop what? What stop? Why.

I should just stop it.

I should fuck off and drop it.

Respect, learn what it is.

Respect and you shall receive.

You question me?

I question you..

Why'd you choose this?

Choose what? Choose this.

You chose this.

Not me, Nor them, you.

Why'd you choose this path,

I question you,

I expect the truth.

Why did you choose this fucking path.

The day I woke up;

The day I woke up,

The day I woke up was the day I seen you.

The day I woke up,

Was the very day I realised I had you.

My eyes united with yours,

I saw the beautiful face,

Of the exquisite face gazing down upon me.

The eyes of an angel.

An angel with booming eyes.

I thought,

You thought,

I spoke,

You spoke,

We spoke,

We aligned our words together,

United side by side.

Hand in hand.

From this day on,

I woke with your eyes glazing upon me.

From this day on,

In and out,

Out and in,

I was happy,

Happy with you gazing upon me.

Memories;

If I had memories of you,

I'd rip tear and burn them.

If I had memories of you,

It'd be of you trying to be.

Everything that you're not,

Just so that I might just,

Consider being by your side.

But it'll never happen.

Nothing you want with me will,

You cry, I laugh.

I laugh, you cry.

Good riddens.

The day you die,

Is the day in my life?

Where I’ll smile till the sun

Till the sun, goes down.

Till the sun, drops from the mother fucking sky.

Good riddens....

Forgot to mention:

The day you fuck me over,

Is the day you'll die,

On the very fucking point,

Of this godforsaken earth,

That you still stand.

The day you fuck me over,

Is the day you'll never see my face,

Again.

Wise man;

The rains pour on the tin roof,

Reminds me of the old wise man who cried his heart out to me

I was his companion, as you are mine, Remember the days, I’d open and you'd listen?

I loved these days, still do even though they were aphetic days,

You held me with your hands, and you listened,

To listen is to try to hear; to hear is simply to perceive with the ear.

These very dim lit days, worshipping the wise man, till dawn,

I'd smoke & Drink, yet you'd be there, to tell me to stop.

You'd be there to tell me to stop desecrating my life away.

You'd be there; standing by the wise mans side.

He'd be there, standing by your lone side too.

I'd listen to you and him, yet i listened to the man more.

As the old wise man once said,

Wisdom comes with experience. And wisdom helps us improve.

But does wisdom only come with experience?

Begin with an open mind and you can gain wisdom even through wise old sayings.

You and I, I and you promised we'd remember this last thing that the wise man said.

As he lay on his death bed he told us not to waste lives.

He told us to cherish them, reach for our goals. Gain from his mistakes.

Grow from our own.

A Garden;

Tend it and watch it blossom. Then let it nourish you and its fruits revive your soul.

Lie down in the flowerbed in the warmth of the sun.

Replant the seeds of love so that it may resurrect itself and grow fuller as the seasons pass.

Be vigilant of weeds and uproot them early by maintaining an open and direct dialogue together.

Openness is crucial in a loving relationship; the light which streams in will strengthen the garden.

This hell hole;

Take me away from this place I wish to leave it behind,

Whatever it takes to get me out, Why can't i leave?

I'm tied down by invisible strings,

Just let me go!

Let me go, Let me go!

I wish to leave, just let me leave.

I've become embedded to this place,

Unfasten my strings,

Loosen these ropes!

Release me off these god-forsaken chains!

I wish to depart these memories, Flashbacks fucking my mind.

I hate this one thought, This thought of been constricted forever!

I'm held capative by affliction and agony,

Clasped by the chains of the demon.

Frozen;

I'm freezing from the inside out,
The blood on the inside just so cold.
No reason for me to be here just about.
The live i live frows so old.
My body grows cold, as i sit here,
No one left to hold me.
My cheek holds just one tear,
Everyone is gone, even family.
I've lived my life in misery,
People wonder, It's a big mystery.